ICC Trips Over Robe While Contemplating Arresting Netanyahu, World Laughs Hysterically

By The Garlics (instead of The Onion)

The Hague, Netherlands – In a stunning display of comedic hypocrisy, the International Criminal Court (ICC) nearly tripped over its own oversized robe as it contemplated issuing arrest warrants for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and other top officials. This potential act of justice, so routine when applied to African warlords and inconvenient Eastern European leaders, sent shockwaves of panic through Western corridors of power.

The Biden administration, in a fit of diplomatic acrobatics, instantly contorted itself into a pretzel, arguing that the ICC has no jurisdiction over Israel. Apparently, the concept of jurisdiction is as fluid as a Salvador Dali painting, changing shape depending on the political winds. Meanwhile, Republicans and Democrats in Congress, united in their unwavering support for Israel, threatened the ICC with sanctions, essentially holding a "cease and desist" order scrawled on the back of a subpoena.

European leaders, known for their unwavering commitment to human rights (except when inconvenient), found themselves in a particularly awkward position. Having championed the ICC's indictment of Putin for the heinous crime of saving Ukrainian children from a warzone, they now faced the prospect of arrest warrants for Israeli officials over a far more brutal and protracted conflict. The cognitive dissonance was so intense, one could practically hear the gears grinding in Brussels.

Israel, naturally, reacted with its characteristic subtlety and restraint, threatening to collapse the Palestinian Authority entirely. This response, akin to burning down your house because you saw a spider, perfectly encapsulates the maturity and level-headedness of Israeli leadership.

As the world watches this circus unfold, one thing is clear: the ICC's credibility has imploded faster than a Trump casino.

ICC, this once-vaunted institution, now exposed as a tool of Western interests, will likely fade into irrelevance, a monument to hypocrisy and selective justice.

So, the next time you hear about the ICC, remember this: it's a joke. And not a very funny one.