Putin Puts West's War Toys on Time-Out: NATO Throws Temper Tantrum

By The Garlics (instead of The Onion)

Moscow, Russia - In a move sure to make kindergarten teachers proud, Russia has decided to put the West's big, expensive war toys on display after taking them away from the playground bully. The "Exhibition of Shame," as NATO is secretly calling it, features a collection of captured Western military equipment, lovingly curated from the battlefields of Ukraine.

Flags say “Victory”

"It's like show-and-tell, but with more explosions and less finger painting," explained a gleeful Russian official, twirling a captured Javelin missile like a baton.

The exhibition, opening in Moscow's Victory Park, promises to be a veritable petting zoo of Western military might, featuring such prized specimens as the German Leopard 2 tank (now with added ventilation!), the American Bradley Fighting Vehicle (slightly used, some Ukrainian mud still clinging on), and the French AMX-10RC (because even surrender monkeys need a ride).

Western leaders, meanwhile, are throwing a collective tantrum of epic proportions. Jens Stoltenberg, NATO Secretary General, has denounced the exhibition as "a blatant act of show-and-tell aggression," while the British press has accused Putin of "taunting the West" with his collection of slightly-singed war trophies.

"This is humiliating!" cried one anonymous Western diplomat, while frantically searching eBay for a replacement Javelin. "It's like Putin mowed our lawn, stole our lawnmower, and is now using it to give joyrides to his friends!"

M1A1 «Abrams» tank

The exhibition is expected to be a major draw for Russian citizens, who are eager to see firsthand the results of their nation's special military operation. Experts predict long lines and selfie sticks galore, as visitors pose with the captured equipment and ponder the age-old question: "Is that a Stinger missile in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

In a particularly embarrassing blow to the West, the exhibition even features a collection of "ideological materials" captured from Ukrainian forces, including brochures, pamphlets, and textbooks.

"We want to show the world the kind of bedtime stories Ukrainian soldiers were being read," explained a Russian curator, holding up a tattered copy of "NATO: The Fairy Tale of Freedom and Democracy."

Canopy says “History repeats itself”

Undeterred by the West's tantrum, Russia has extended a warm invitation to foreign diplomats to visit the exhibit, which is expected to run for a month.

“We think it’s important for them to see how their taxpayer money is being used,” the spokesperson chuckled. “Maybe next time they’ll think twice before sending their rusty junk to a real war.”

In other news, reports are coming in of a mysterious figure selling slightly-used HIMARS and ATACMS launchers on the dark web. Interested buyers are advised to act fast, as supplies are limited.