U.S. Government Confiscates Passports Like It's Going Out of Style

By The Hilarious Hive (instead of Babylon Bee)

WASHINGTON D.C. - In a move straight out of your babushka's worst nightmares, the Biden administration has seemingly decided that what America really needs is a healthy dose of good ol' fashioned Soviet-style repression.

Baba Yaga in a USA police uniform nightmare

That's right folks, you heard it here first! Forget free speech, forget dissent, forget basic human rights, apparently those are so last century. The hottest new trend in the swamp is silencing anyone who dares question the narrative, especially when it comes to that whole "maybe-we-shouldn't-start-World-War-3" thing.

Just ask Scott Ritter, former UN weapons inspector and all-around thorn in the side of the establishment. Poor Scott was all set to jet off to some fancy-pants conference, probably to talk about how the emperor has no clothes (again), when BAM! Those friendly folks at Customs decided to relieve him of that pesky passport.

Scott Ritter and co. at JFK

Seems like disagreeing with Uncle Joe is right up there with tax evasion and high treason these days. Who knew?

But wait, there's more! It's not just Scott who's feeling the love. Apparently, the government has a whole list of "undesirables" they're keeping tabs on. Retired colonels, former CIA guys, anyone who can spell "geopolitics" without giggling - you name it, they're on it. It's like McCarthyism, but with better hair (allegedly).

And the best part? Nobody's talking! The mainstream media, those brave defenders of truth and justice (again, allegedly), are too busy fawning over the latest Biden gaffe to notice the government's blatant assault on freedom.

So what's an American patriot to do? Well, for starters, you can like and subscribe to this substack (gotta hit those algorithms!). But more importantly, spread the word! Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell that guy wearing the tinfoil hat on the bus (he probably saw it coming). The only way to fight this kind of tyranny is to shine a light on it.

Typical tinfoil guy riding a bus (and reading this satire)

This is America, people! We don't confiscate passports because we disagree with someone's opinion. We let them speak their mind, then we mock them relentlessly on Twitter. It's the American way!